Current Mood:
grumpy
grumpy
well my day started off good . i started my new job go me and it was nice to get out of the house.and all when well this afternoon .but then tonight i went out to feed my dogs and i found my loveing big white ice blue eyes the dog i have alwaysed wonted dead. i have been crying and try to figure out if i did something wrong or if it was just her time to go .i meen she fine last night she was happy and playful there was nothing wrong and now she is gone and all i can do is cry .i cry for her it like my heart has been broken and there is nothing i can do i am helpless and i hate it .,and tommorow i have to tell my girls that she is gone. and i know there going to be just or even more up set than me.ooooooo why is evertime i fall in love with something it is eather taken away from me or it dies. i dont know im just really down .well i need to try to get some sleep i have to work tommorow.
i shead tears for my loved one i shead a tear for my friend i shead a tear for the good time and the ones we wont have she is well loved and well never be forgotten my Chateau go with love and go in peace i will always love u .
Hey it me i back .u know how it is when u think u how everthing under countrol when in fact u dont . thats the was i feel right now. for the past two weeks is seems like ever thing is going wrong. i let two of the kids i was keeping go coue it was gitting in the way of my family. so i gave them a two weeks notices and of course the did not come back after that and yes my stress level is way down and im liveing it .but then comes outher things i hit a dog last wed with my car i could not help it it just happend .and got my car messed up and i had to put it in the shop today to get fixed.on sunday maddie got stung 4 times by bees and i got stung once in the hand maddie was fine and my hand swolen and hurt alot and it stayed that way for three days. it just seems that everthing that can happen doess. and i wish it would just bring me some goodluck for a change.and evertime i turn around my power is going off to whats up with that.pluse i am starting to feel lonely alot right now i dont if it is becouse i dont have alot to do i mean work . i think i have alot of time on my hands now and it just gets lonely. or its just that alot of stuff is out of my hands and i cant stand that.for some reason i have to be in countrol and that makes everthing right .but with all the extar bill this month we are gitting behind on a few bills and i hate that and it realy make me very uneasy andi dont dleep well and i just want to cry about it but even when i cry no one ever knows.i hide it from everone and not let anyone know what is realy going on .thats how i am i hold it all in and trie to deal with it but then after a wile it just comes out and belive it or not know one understands here why i was so upset in the first places.why is it me that worrys all the time why cant i try to not to worry so much .well enough of my bitching .im going to try to sleep now .thanks for lisen to me .
hey it me agine just wonted everone to know that me and jason have some how found are way bake to each outher. what was lost is now found agine. and it feels great and i am very happy. and i love it .u just dont know how hard it has been for me the past few months.but its all working out for the best.i gess along the way we lost what we had and through all the shit he had put me through i just drifted away from him.couse my hart was broken from all the stuff he had done .and no he hasen gotten all of my heart back for it is still afrade that he will hurt me agine.but he was told that if all the bad stuff starts happening agine that it would be over couse i can not go months of crying my self to sleep or just line there next to wondering what i did to make him treat me this way when in reality i did nothing wrong it was just him and the way he is. i do belive he can change for the best and i do love him.and if he truly loves me he will never do that agine.becouse this is his last chance if he realy wont this to work he wont ever treat me that was agine.love ot all my friends and may love always light your way.
HI its me .i just wonted to let everone i had a great weekend.i had a blast fun.i loved playing in the rain with my friends then i went to the casion and had dinner andplay the slots and won then went out to the bar dance andthen home for some home fun. but i had a great birthday and to thankall of u for makeing it the best i have everhad.and yes me and jason are doing good better than ever.and i am very happy.i feel very good and well loved.
i love all of u
hey it me agine.i dent sleep well andi dont feel good. it everone know what my problem is.so i dont even have to say it.i been up all night and right now i feel dead in side.he told me if he had the chance to sleep with one of my friends . and the friends he chose are alll very skinny and i said that makes me feel good no dont it.that the girls that u wont are all very skinny. that realy makes me mad and hurts mealot. if that what he wonted then why dent he go and marry a girl that looked like that in the frist plase.instead of my it makes me feel worthless and not good enought for anyone. whydo i put up with this.yes the tears are flowen agine and i do wont them to stop.but the only way to stop them is to feel better about my self .when ever time i turn aroun all he wont it a skinny litte woman instead of me.doess he not know how that makes me feel inside how it hurts me i think not.all i wont to do to to git away and i think i am going to do that this weekend i am going to go out and have some fun with people who like me for who i am.ok i am going to stop biching now love to all my friends
hey it me agine .the outher night someone asked me why am i still with my husban and i dent give a answer to them couse i gess i had to think about.yes i do love him with all my heart and yes sometimes he does do stuped things.but i cant imangine my life with out him. i have been with him for 7 years and we ahve been married for 4 and we have a butiful baby together.we have hard times but we have made it through together.yea i know what he said about me going out and being able to sleep with someone else and him not worried about couse he said i can but he know i would never do that even though he said i can. i have never been with anyone else sence we been together.but when he said that u know it did hurt couse the thing going thruogh my head was who was he seeing and who was the girl he wonted to bring into or bed .so i asked him those quertions he said no one .so i gess i am ok about that.but yea i cant see me with anyone but him.i think we realy need are hony moon we are going to take next year .we do need some time for us and i think it will be good for us to .it hasent been just me in him in a long wile.but love to all must go.bye the way theses last few months with my new family u know who u are have been great.i love each and everone of .u guys make me fell good about my self and i fell so loved when we are together i dont know i would do with all of u .so love all of u form my heart to yours and am u smile always konwing the someone out here loves u .kisses and hugs
well its day one agine and i am doing great. i took a day off so that me a jen could start on the same day and we would be eachouthers diet buddies .even thought i was spose to take 4 days of but its ok i will be doing it right from now on .but i am feeling realy good about my self .i at meant alot to me .becouse normaly i dont like my self very much. so right now i am in the best mood ever.i have good friends who thrent to kick my but if i lose to much weight or end up with my eaten disorder agine .but i know that wont happen agine at least i try not to but with all of my friends with me i know that all will be well. so far me and jason are plaing to go to walt disney next year for a the honey moon we never got . for a hole week just me and him i cant wate.even though i have never been away from my kids that long. but it will be ok couse i know that me and jason need some time to our selfs.well my mother in law is going to come down and stay here to keep the kids for the week.well i need to go love to all my friends.
hey all i just finshed my last day of diet.and i am off for a few day . i feel good about my self.alot better then i have in years .couse of my new found friends and life is good right now. so love goes out to all my who are there for me nad let them know that they do mean alot to me and i am very glad that they are there for me .and i hop to be with my new friends for years to come.
hey all i just wonted u all to know i am alive and well.well i desied to go on my diet and am am going to stick to it i mean how hard is it to say on one for three day then off for 4.i did this years ago and got to were iwonted to be so here i go aging. well this is day one and all it well i ate my grapefruit and my tost and my two spones of penut butter it was good i remember how good this diet is.and i did my morring excerizes so i am good to go .i am drinking my water cousei dont likeno sweet tea or black coffie.well wish me lock.ooo yea and let me know if i git to small i never could see how small i git . well i will write more after lunch. love to all my friends
well i gess happy new year to all .well i went over to kims and had a good time the i had to come back here for my house party witch was ok.i gess it wasent the same couse i wasent drinking.but thats ok.well as most of all my friends no i might be with child agine.i am almost two weeks late and yea i have took two test and both said no but i talked to my doctors and he said wate two more weeks and take another one .o thats what i am doing. will i ne up set if i am not maybe but there will always be next month to try and it is always fun trying.but if i am i will be happy to.couse i see it this way if it is ment to be it will be if not try agine.love to all my new and old friends may we stay this way for ever .
Hey well i had a good xmas it was fine my baby child brought down the tree witht her new power weels car.Ii was so funny.we ate and were merry had lost of fun .and i had to clean my house couse it was a mess.my oldest child got a game cube for xmas and we have been playing it .it is so fun.to play with friends..Well the one thing i am greatful for this year is my family and my friends .with out them i would not have made it this far.
love to all
Sitting here on a worm spring day. Watching all my children play.Watching them run sing and play with no worries of the day. .They do not worry about the bills nor do they worry about a clean house.For they are free to do as they will with the sun on there face and wind in there hair with dirt on there clothes.For once i wish i was them.
Sitting here in midnights hour drawing down the moon lights power listen to it flowing near,feels it power ,come to they over flowing from the sea.It touches u in such away u never wont it to go away.In time you will see the moon lights power go away.But never fear for it will return.For tomorrow is another day.
Here she is trapped.Though it may not seem that way to others.For during the day its hard to explain.She feels trapped.Her only escapes is in her dreams.There she swims with the dolphins her friends .For she is one of them.An angel of the sea.Beautiful and graceful and always loved.That were she longs to be,safe and loved in the big blue sea.For her on land there are times that she feels alone unloved and dead inside.Yes she puts up a fight But it is heard to do .She wishes everyday to be beautiful and live in the sea.Thought people say she is beautiful in always.But in her eyes she can only see how deferent she is.For she is not skinny or the perfect weight. Her hair is not full of luster like those models on tv.Her eyes are though are beautiful the color of the sea for that is were she longs to be..
There in the darkness under a full moon.Our lady awaits .But not in the lush emerald green forest.Or near the soft calm brook.She waits but the ocean.There she is free.For the ocean is never ending its always moving.Here she is free ,free to love,free to run,free to stay.Here she is not judged or percussed for who she is.Here she is safe.She goes there for peace and reflection.It is home . It is always calling her becking her to come. But she resist and only goes there in her dreams.For she knows if she returns to the sea.She will never leave.For it is home.
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